Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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