Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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