Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
