my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
