If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
