I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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