I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
