im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
