Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
