I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
