Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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