a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
