You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
