So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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