The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
