worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
