i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
