'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
