so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
