Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
