Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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