i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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