Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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