You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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