We won't sleep together?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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