I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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