Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
