i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
