he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
