I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
