Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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