Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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