Operation Purity has been aborted
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
