Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
