forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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