I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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