I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
