weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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