I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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