is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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