tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
