u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
