i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
