do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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