JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
