he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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