i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
