The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize