Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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