Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
