No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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