doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
