oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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