After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
nutella sex= disaster
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
