Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
