I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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