I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
