I am puke
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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