If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
