hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
