Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
