Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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