Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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