You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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