We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
