so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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