I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
