i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
